parlerlibre

ramblings to you

2010-06-07T19:44:00.001-07:00

i would spend my life waiting for you. i would stay in the same place for the rest of my life if it meant that i could see you everyday. i would never leave, for fear of missing you. i wish sometimes i didn't have to wait and i am sure that you don't want to keep me waiting. If i could i wouldn't love you, it just complicates things. sometimes i wish to myself thati had never met you. that some how i just erased you from my memories. but thatis no way to live. i am who i am now because of you. i wish you could read this. I wish you could read my deepest thoughts and save me from the pain i feel. from the loniliness i feel. but i am sure you can see my secrets when you look into my eyes, & there is no magic you can perform that will heal my broken heart.
it isnt sane to live this way. to wake up everyday knowing another piece of your heart will be lost. but then again... who needs sane.

honeymoon

2010-06-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

I have never seen marriage in the cards for myself. Don't get me wrong, I want it so bad I can taste it. I wish more than anything that I could be the one that gets chosen one of these days. I must say that this "vacation" with you was one of the best days of my life. We stayed here... in our home... all weekend long. Just us, we stayed up all night and you held me in your arms. Just held me, not expecting anything, no pressure... just pure & comfortable. Sometimes, I let myself believe that one day you will wake up and love me too... that suddenly, without preface, you will look into my eyes and see your other half looking back at you. That's what I see in you. I look at you, your confidence, your kindness, your smile, those eyes that I can't hide from... and I can see our future. I can see a beautiful wedding outside in Arkansas, with all of our family surrounding us. I see myself walking down the aisle. I see tears in your eyes. I see our first child. I see us growing old together. I know that will never happen. I know that for the rest of my life I will have a hole in the middle of my heart that you fit perfectly inside. This night won't be forgotten. I will hold it inside to keep me warm, when the icy cold of loneliness bites at me. I don't doubt that you love me. I don't doubt that you care. I just know that somewhere out there over the rainbow maybe.... my heart was meant to love you. & sometimes just sometimes... I wish I was there. But this comfortable place, this place where we are will just have to do... because the dull ache of being your best friend... is better that the empty pain of never having met you.

I love you.

2010-05-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

This music's irresistible
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before

Mister Inaccessible
Will this ever change
One thing that remains the same
You're still a picture in a frame

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
That's where I'll be found
Yeah yeah

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
Am I the only one
Ooh

2010-05-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

your crystal eyes
they haunt my soul
I can't look away
without a burning image
of you.

i thought love was black & white
right or wrong?
really it ends in a terrible shade of gray
the gray of a thunderstorm
filled with tears and rain.

the years I've lived
haven't prepared me for this
these lessons werent taught in school

i don't remember myself
myself not loving you

2010-05-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

I've been running from something
twenty years in the car
down a road that's leading me nowhere

Yea we drive through the farmland
NO one knows where we're from
Can you kiss me, and make me the Queen?
Or something in between.

2010-05-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

What if you, could wish me away?
What if you, spoke those words today?
Would you miss me, when I'm gone?
It's come to this... release me.
& I'll be gone before the dawn.

But for tonight, I'll stay here with you.
Yes, for tonight, I'll lay here with you.
But when the sun hits the sky, through your window...
there'll be nothing you can do.

What if you could hear this song?
What if I felt like I belonged?
I might not be leaving oh so soon
began the night believing,
I loved you in the moonlight.

--------------------------------------------------

Hold me, Even though I know you're leaving
& show me all the reasons you would stay.
-------------------------------------------------------

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
NO matter what I say or do.
I still feel you here
til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch
you keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much.
Then to stand in your love
& feel your rain.

Set me FREE
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
HERE I am and I stand so tall
just the way that I'm supposed to be
but your on to me
& all over me

Oooh you love me cause I'm fragile
But I want to be strong
You hold me for a little while
& all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
here I am and I stand so strong
just the way I'm supposed to be
but your on to me
and all over me

I live here on my knees and I'm trying to make you see
that you're everything I think I need
here on the ground.
You're neither FRIEND nor FOE
but one thing I still know is your
keeping me down

----------------------------------------

It's time to tell me the truth
to burden your mouth for what you say
no pieces of paper in the way
cause i can't continue
pretending to choose
these OPPOSITE sides on which we fall
the loving you later if at all

no right minds should wrong be this many times

--------------------------------------------------------------

you move on like a sinner's prayer
let go like a levy breaks
walk away as if you don't care
learn to shoulder your mistakes

built to fade like my favorite song
get reckless when there's no need
laugh as my stories ramble on
break your heart and it won't bleed

your honest to a fault
that's just who you are
but you are better as a memory
than as my man

you see me leaning
Im about to fall
you don't want to be that mistake
your just a dreamer and nothing more
i should know that before it gets to late.

----------------------------------------------------------

if roses are meant to be red
& violets to be blue
why isn't my heart
meant for you?
This music's irresistible
your voice makes my skin crawl
innocent and pure
you've heard it all before
lost
in this world
I get lost
in your eyes
& when the lights go down
and we're the only ones.

-------------------------------------

I was beautiful once
I light up every room I walked into
I could make you laugh
or make you cry.
I could move mountains
I lost that girl
somewhere along the way
I became an empty shell of who i used to be
I used to love.
LOVE with all of my might.
I loved you.
Now, I am not quite sure what that means.
I thought love was black & white.
but really it's just a terrible shade of gray.
-----------------------------------------------------

I don't know what I've done
or if I like what i've become
But something told me to run
& honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
little voices listening
saying I should go
or this should end
oh and I found myself listening

I don't know who I am,
who I am without you
All I know is that I should
I don't know if I can stand
another hand upon you
all I know is that I SHOULD

But she can love you more than I could
she who dares to stand where I stood
--------------------------------------------

Just once I want to be good enough
I want to be wonderful
& great.
I want to be the first choice.
Not the last call.
Maybe that's not in my cards.
I guess I don't know what Love is .
or if there is such a thing.
maybe love is the fairytale
the urban legend hiding beneath the bed
the little story passed down through the generations
to put the little kiddies to sleep
there is no love in this mixed up world
no magic no kindness
no joy.
all that's left is a beat up shell
of how life used to be.

2009-07-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

are you there?
are you listening...
or am i as alone as i feel?
not sure if i can do this anymore.
not sure if i want to
this rat race hell has got me dizzy
i am ready to get off
go someplace where freedom is more
than just a word

locker

2009-07-24T13:19:00.000-07:00

the days they come & go like rain
the nights they linger on just the same.
i can't keep dreaming of you by my side.
the happy haunting memories of years gone by.
i just want to close my eyes and see
something other than my past staring back at me.
why can't i just break free, of this hold it has on me?
i can't breathe.
i know i have to be strong.
i know this can't continue on.
i can't let this be the death of me.

1+2=

2009-07-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

i was shy... timid even.
he wasn't.
i'm haunted by that night... and he doesn't even know.
It breaks my heart, everytime it drifts into my mind.
makes me physically ill.
it was never supposed to be like that.
he is my everything, how could i say no.
he looked at that other woman w/ such
lust. though in daily life he couldn't stand
the thought of her.
married scum... she was.
with the audacity to call me her
"friend"
the word puts a sickening taste in my mouth
i can barely look her now...
it's been that way for longer than i care to mention
the thought of her lips on my neck produces bile in my throat.
the thought of her w/ him... renders me speechless.
i let it happen.
i watched.
i participiated.
i hate myself for it.
i live it with it everyday.
he has no idea... or maybe he does.
never one to feel remorse.
i deal w/ this alone.
every morning i awaken
a little part of me dies.
it needs to be talked about
the air to be cleared.
he has no idea
no one knows...
just me.

hurricane

2009-07-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

it rained the night we met.
poured down cold, hard and fast.
as if to foreshadow the flood waters ahead.
neither of us were ready that night...
or the many that followed.
we didn't know what to expect...
both simply thinking
another one night stand.
somehow you became more.
my other half...
my teacher my friend.
we are nothing alike...
or we are exactly the same.
there are times that the pain of loving you...
the pain of needing you.
overwhelms me.
completely takes me.
i've tried to be what you need.
what you want.
just
look me in the eyes...
drink me down.
the way you've always done.
effortlessly... reading ever mannerism.
knowing ever secret i've hidden
ever lie i've told
evertime i'm broken.
the stars are yours...
the moon calls your name.
my wasted heart...
it's all
yours.

2009-07-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

You said you didn't need me (but you did)
You said you didn't want me (but you do)
It's kinda like a comedy
Well first you kiss me
And then you say we're through
I say you got some issues (yeah you do)
Some things you gotta work through (really do)
It's sorta like a talk show, no wait a freak show
When the freak is you

I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that lie you can trust
I'm the chord on your guitar
I'm that girl you can't shut up
I'm the blood you might need
In your car when you speed
In that cigarette you breathe
You can't get rid of me

You said I wasn't funny (but you laughed)
You said I couldn't drive fast (then you crashed)
Funny how it works out
With your big mouth
You'll always get it back
You thought you had me worked out (you're not deep)
Mr. I screw about (you're still a creep)
At best you could've confessed
That you're a big mess
And that you're so damn weak

I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that lie you can trust
I'm the chord on your guitar
I'm that girl you can't shutup
I'm the blood you might need
In your car when you speed
In that cigarette you breathe
You can't get rid of me

But still, I try and justify
Try to let this die
We'll never say goodbye i can't wait
I'll rub it in your face
Dressed in pretty lace
I'll send you home, to cry

original

2009-06-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

i got lost in you.
lost somewhere deep in your eyes.
there is no escape for me,
though at times i wish there were.

you've captured me,
whether you meant to or not.
i never asked for this...
but my heart chose for me.

i could sit here and say,
i'll be fine...
i can force my heart to close,
but that would be a lie.

i could sit here and say,
i don't love you, or think about you
every second of every day.
but that too would be a lie.

i wish i could be everything you need.
everything you want...
every dream, every wish you've carried.
but i can't, i'll never be anymore than me.

you are my sunrise,
my sunset.
all i see is you.
all i hear is you.

my west, my east
my northern star...
in you arms alone,
did i ever feel secure.