1+2=

i was shy... timid even.
he wasn't.
i'm haunted by that night... and he doesn't even know.
It breaks my heart, everytime it drifts into my mind.
makes me physically ill.
it was never supposed to be like that.
he is my everything, how could i say no.
he looked at that other woman w/ such
lust. though in daily life he couldn't stand
the thought of her.
married scum... she was.
with the audacity to call me her
"friend"
the word puts a sickening taste in my mouth
i can barely look her now...
it's been that way for longer than i care to mention
the thought of her lips on my neck produces bile in my throat.
the thought of her w/ him... renders me speechless.
i let it happen.
i watched.
i participiated.
i hate myself for it.
i live it with it everyday.
he has no idea... or maybe he does.
never one to feel remorse.
i deal w/ this alone.
every morning i awaken
a little part of me dies.
it needs to be talked about
the air to be cleared.
he has no idea
no one knows...
just me.