are you there?
are you listening...
or am i as alone as i feel?
not sure if i can do this anymore.
not sure if i want to
this rat race hell has got me dizzy
i am ready to get off
go someplace where freedom is more
than just a word

locker

the days they come & go like rain
the nights they linger on just the same.
i can't keep dreaming of you by my side.
the happy haunting memories of years gone by.
i just want to close my eyes and see
something other than my past staring back at me.
why can't i just break free, of this hold it has on me?
i can't breathe.
i know i have to be strong.
i know this can't continue on.
i can't let this be the death of me.

1+2=

i was shy... timid even.
he wasn't.
i'm haunted by that night... and he doesn't even know.
It breaks my heart, everytime it drifts into my mind.
makes me physically ill.
it was never supposed to be like that.
he is my everything, how could i say no.
he looked at that other woman w/ such
lust. though in daily life he couldn't stand
the thought of her.
married scum... she was.
with the audacity to call me her
"friend"
the word puts a sickening taste in my mouth
i can barely look her now...
it's been that way for longer than i care to mention
the thought of her lips on my neck produces bile in my throat.
the thought of her w/ him... renders me speechless.
i let it happen.
i watched.
i participiated.
i hate myself for it.
i live it with it everyday.
he has no idea... or maybe he does.
never one to feel remorse.
i deal w/ this alone.
every morning i awaken
a little part of me dies.
it needs to be talked about
the air to be cleared.
he has no idea
no one knows...
just me.

hurricane

it rained the night we met.
poured down cold, hard and fast.
as if to foreshadow the flood waters ahead.
neither of us were ready that night...
or the many that followed.
we didn't know what to expect...
both simply thinking
another one night stand.
somehow you became more.
my other half...
my teacher my friend.
we are nothing alike...
or we are exactly the same.
there are times that the pain of loving you...
the pain of needing you.
overwhelms me.
completely takes me.
i've tried to be what you need.
what you want.
just
look me in the eyes...
drink me down.
the way you've always done.
effortlessly... reading ever mannerism.
knowing ever secret i've hidden
ever lie i've told
evertime i'm broken.
the stars are yours...
the moon calls your name.
my wasted heart...
it's all
yours.

You said you didn't need me (but you did)
You said you didn't want me (but you do)
It's kinda like a comedy
Well first you kiss me
And then you say we're through
I say you got some issues (yeah you do)
Some things you gotta work through (really do)
It's sorta like a talk show, no wait a freak show
When the freak is you

I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that lie you can trust
I'm the chord on your guitar
I'm that girl you can't shut up
I'm the blood you might need
In your car when you speed
In that cigarette you breathe
You can't get rid of me

You said I wasn't funny (but you laughed)
You said I couldn't drive fast (then you crashed)
Funny how it works out
With your big mouth
You'll always get it back
You thought you had me worked out (you're not deep)
Mr. I screw about (you're still a creep)
At best you could've confessed
That you're a big mess
And that you're so damn weak


I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that lie you can trust
I'm the chord on your guitar
I'm that girl you can't shutup
I'm the blood you might need
In your car when you speed
In that cigarette you breathe
You can't get rid of me

But still, I try and justify
Try to let this die
We'll never say goodbye i can't wait
I'll rub it in your face
Dressed in pretty lace
I'll send you home, to cry

original

i got lost in you.
lost somewhere deep in your eyes.
there is no escape for me,
though at times i wish there were.

you've captured me,
whether you meant to or not.
i never asked for this...
but my heart chose for me.

i could sit here and say,
i'll be fine...
i can force my heart to close,
but that would be a lie.

i could sit here and say,
i don't love you, or think about you
every second of every day.
but that too would be a lie.

i wish i could be everything you need.
everything you want...
every dream, every wish you've carried.
but i can't, i'll never be anymore than me.

you are my sunrise,
my sunset.
all i see is you.
all i hear is you.

my west, my east
my northern star...
in you arms alone,
did i ever feel secure.