ramblings to you

i would spend my life waiting for you. i would stay in the same place for the rest of my life if it meant that i could see you everyday. i would never leave, for fear of missing you. i wish sometimes i didn't have to wait and i am sure that you don't want to keep me waiting. If i could i wouldn't love you, it just complicates things. sometimes i wish to myself thati had never met you. that some how i just erased you from my memories. but thatis no way to live. i am who i am now because of you. i wish you could read this. I wish you could read my deepest thoughts and save me from the pain i feel. from the loniliness i feel. but i am sure you can see my secrets when you look into my eyes, & there is no magic you can perform that will heal my broken heart.
it isnt sane to live this way. to wake up everyday knowing another piece of your heart will be lost. but then again... who needs sane.

honeymoon

I have never seen marriage in the cards for myself. Don't get me wrong, I want it so bad I can taste it. I wish more than anything that I could be the one that gets chosen one of these days. I must say that this "vacation" with you was one of the best days of my life. We stayed here... in our home... all weekend long. Just us, we stayed up all night and you held me in your arms. Just held me, not expecting anything, no pressure... just pure & comfortable. Sometimes, I let myself believe that one day you will wake up and love me too... that suddenly, without preface, you will look into my eyes and see your other half looking back at you. That's what I see in you. I look at you, your confidence, your kindness, your smile, those eyes that I can't hide from... and I can see our future. I can see a beautiful wedding outside in Arkansas, with all of our family surrounding us. I see myself walking down the aisle. I see tears in your eyes. I see our first child. I see us growing old together. I know that will never happen. I know that for the rest of my life I will have a hole in the middle of my heart that you fit perfectly inside. This night won't be forgotten. I will hold it inside to keep me warm, when the icy cold of loneliness bites at me. I don't doubt that you love me. I don't doubt that you care. I just know that somewhere out there over the rainbow maybe.... my heart was meant to love you. & sometimes just sometimes... I wish I was there. But this comfortable place, this place where we are will just have to do... because the dull ache of being your best friend... is better that the empty pain of never having met you.

I love you.

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

This music's irresistible
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure
I guess you heard it all before

Mister Inaccessible
Will this ever change
One thing that remains the same
You're still a picture in a frame

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
That's where I'll be found
Yeah yeah

I get lost in this world
I get lost in your eyes
And when the lights go down
Am I the only one
Ooh

your crystal eyes
they haunt my soul
I can't look away
without a burning image
of you.

i thought love was black & white
right or wrong?
really it ends in a terrible shade of gray
the gray of a thunderstorm
filled with tears and rain.

the years I've lived
haven't prepared me for this
these lessons werent taught in school

i don't remember myself
myself not loving you

I've been running from something
twenty years in the car
down a road that's leading me nowhere

Yea we drive through the farmland
NO one knows where we're from
Can you kiss me, and make me the Queen?
Or something in between.

What if you, could wish me away?
What if you, spoke those words today?
Would you miss me, when I'm gone?
It's come to this... release me.
& I'll be gone before the dawn.

But for tonight, I'll stay here with you.
Yes, for tonight, I'll lay here with you.
But when the sun hits the sky, through your window...
there'll be nothing you can do.

What if you could hear this song?
What if I felt like I belonged?
I might not be leaving oh so soon
began the night believing,
I loved you in the moonlight.

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Hold me, Even though I know you're leaving
& show me all the reasons you would stay.
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Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
NO matter what I say or do.
I still feel you here
til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch
you keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much.
Then to stand in your love
& feel your rain.

Set me FREE
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
HERE I am and I stand so tall
just the way that I'm supposed to be
but your on to me
& all over me

Oooh you love me cause I'm fragile
But I want to be strong
You hold me for a little while
& all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
here I am and I stand so strong
just the way I'm supposed to be
but your on to me
and all over me

I live here on my knees and I'm trying to make you see
that you're everything I think I need
here on the ground.
You're neither FRIEND nor FOE
but one thing I still know is your
keeping me down

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It's time to tell me the truth
to burden your mouth for what you say
no pieces of paper in the way
cause i can't continue
pretending to choose
these OPPOSITE sides on which we fall
the loving you later if at all

no right minds should wrong be this many times

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you move on like a sinner's prayer
let go like a levy breaks
walk away as if you don't care
learn to shoulder your mistakes

built to fade like my favorite song
get reckless when there's no need
laugh as my stories ramble on
break your heart and it won't bleed

your honest to a fault
that's just who you are
but you are better as a memory
than as my man

you see me leaning
Im about to fall
you don't want to be that mistake
your just a dreamer and nothing more
i should know that before it gets to late.

----------------------------------------------------------

if roses are meant to be red
& violets to be blue
why isn't my heart
meant for you?
This music's irresistible
your voice makes my skin crawl
innocent and pure
you've heard it all before
lost
in this world
I get lost
in your eyes
& when the lights go down
and we're the only ones.

-------------------------------------

I was beautiful once
I light up every room I walked into
I could make you laugh
or make you cry.
I could move mountains
I lost that girl
somewhere along the way
I became an empty shell of who i used to be
I used to love.
LOVE with all of my might.
I loved you.
Now, I am not quite sure what that means.
I thought love was black & white.
but really it's just a terrible shade of gray.
-----------------------------------------------------

I don't know what I've done
or if I like what i've become
But something told me to run
& honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
little voices listening
saying I should go
or this should end
oh and I found myself listening

I don't know who I am,
who I am without you
All I know is that I should
I don't know if I can stand
another hand upon you
all I know is that I SHOULD

But she can love you more than I could
she who dares to stand where I stood
--------------------------------------------

Just once I want to be good enough
I want to be wonderful
& great.
I want to be the first choice.
Not the last call.
Maybe that's not in my cards.
I guess I don't know what Love is .
or if there is such a thing.
maybe love is the fairytale
the urban legend hiding beneath the bed
the little story passed down through the generations
to put the little kiddies to sleep
there is no love in this mixed up world
no magic no kindness
no joy.
all that's left is a beat up shell
of how life used to be.

are you there?
are you listening...
or am i as alone as i feel?
not sure if i can do this anymore.
not sure if i want to
this rat race hell has got me dizzy
i am ready to get off
go someplace where freedom is more
than just a word